BUT RED IS MY FAVOURITE COLOUR, SO WHAT IT DO BABY?

Why is it that we are always drawn to guys who have at least 7 major red flags? I mean ... it's concerning. I have been playing victim for so long and truth is I needed to realize that I had a part to play in all my decisions of choosing these womanizing cheaters. We are drawn to them because we like to believe the best in people, and because we have already gotten ourselves in too deep, it becomes difficult to distinguish the real from the fantasy. Narcissists... why on earth do we keep on overestimating ourselves and think that we have the ability to change someone? I would love to know. I am a bit of a fixer, if I am being brutally honest, continuously looking for someone to fix. To find someone who has their own problems that I can use as a project to fix. I am not only talking about our relationships, but also with our friendships. I want to fix someone else because I don't want to fix and focus on my own problems.

Thing is, we do more damage, not only to ourselves funny enough, but to the damaged person we are trying to fix. It never occurred to me that it would benefit the person more if we let them figure it out for themselves? Sure, you can lend a helping hand, but don't put them in a wheelchair and push them everywhere. They need to learn how to walk on their own. But these narcissists get a grip on us and blind us with their manipulative ways, they whisper lies into our ears, they use us until we have nothing left to give and then use us some more. We were not made to fix other people... we were made to bring them to the feet of Christ so that he can heal them from the inside out. So when we get stuck in these relationships with people, who want only to harm us, we allow them to take control over us and we allow them to distract us from the one who is most high, because how can you focus on God when someone is pilling all their negativity, insults, insecurities and lies onto you? WE ARE ONLY HUMAN, it is very true... We do not have the kind of power to carry their problems and our own. You can only give from an overflowing cup.

On a new note, you should never have to change the person you are to suit someone else, to impress them. If you are to change, do it for yourself, to become only a better version of yourself. God wants to use every inch of our personalities to make many differences in the lives of other people. For the longest time I have been bullied, told that I'm irritating, annoying, that I'm too loud, too talkative, too open, too much... sure it hurt and for a very long time. Until I realized that the things that make me special are the exact same things some people bring me down for I'm talkative and therefore I start conversations easily and make new friends quickly. I'm open and therefore allow people to be vulnerable around me. I'm dramatic and therefore people find me entertaining. What some people hate about me, many others love about me. It's sad that we allow the negative things that people say to us dictate who we see ourselves as. Truth be told, when people treat you badly, it is not a reflection of you but a reflection of them. What we find to be annoying or unattractive in others, usually mirrors what we don't like in ourselves.

How you see yourself, and most importantly, how God sees you should be the only thing that matters. When you start seeing yourself as God sees you, you will start to acknowledge your worth. You will stop allowing yourself, as I used to, to find your worth in men or friends. You are beautiful because he has created you in his image (Genesis 1:27). You are a child of God because he has adopted you (Ephesians 1:5). You are accepted because God has accepted you (Romans 15:7). We are forgiven for all our sins (Romans 6:6). Before you were created, God knew you and he appointed you as a prophet (Jeremiah 1:5). Your body is God's temple and it is precious to him (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). God loves us unconditionally (1 John 3).

I find that after being hurt by anyone, it damages you so much more when you sit with an unforgiving heart. Much of the time the person who hurt you doesn't care that they did, and I know that is harsh, but you need to understand that sitting and letting that unforgiveness linger, you only poison your own self. Learning to forgive someone who isn't even sorry for what they've done is one of the most difficult things to do and it takes lots of time and much practice. This is so necessary for your own healing. I promise that you will start feeling a weight lift once you decide to forgive someone and wish them well.

I always strive to be the better person in a situation. That sounds weird... I always try to be understanding, forgiving, and loving when I'm faced with conflicts or with someone who has hurt me. I'm not perfect, far from it actually, and I do have a short fuse at times. But it's something that you have to continuously work on. The devil tries to blindside us, allowing us to believe that we have a right to be angry, a right to curse someone, a right to return the hurt. We need to continuously be mindful of our thoughts.

Another point, "is it okay to follow your heart"? Let's get real for a second... our hearts are usually what get us into these messes and situations in the first place. Our hearts are where all of our desires originate from, where our sins originate from. Honestly to follow your heart is, in my opinion of course, the worst advice someone could give you. In fact, I would argue that it's on the same level as "you've got to get under someone to get over them". Your heart was never meant to be followed but to be led, led by God. Our hearts are so easily deceived, which is why we fall for empty promises and why we are manipulated so easily. Let me just shed some light on something, an apology without change is manipulation.

Never feel that you need to stay with someone out of pity, I did that. I felt sorry for my ex because he didn't have a job, a car, or family to run to, and i ended up getting hurt and broken like you would never understand and it took a long time for me to heal. When someone shows you their true colours, believe them. Understand that they will not go back to the person they once were, no matter how much you want to believe it. It's a hard truth, but one that you need to realize before you dig a hole so deep that you will find it near to impossible to leave.

But it's okay, we will get there. We just need to continue to work on ourselves and realize that we are loved and accepted by one who wants to give us each the world!