MY MOM SAID NO

I don't know if you loved the soundtrack from lemonade mouth as much as I did, but I came across a song that threw me way back. It is called, "She's So Gone". The lyrics have got me playing this song on REPEAT!

Insecure In her skin Like a puppet, a girl on a string

Broke away Learned to fly If you want her back gotta let her shine

So it looks like the joke's on you 'Cause the girl that you thought you knew

She's so gone That's so over now She's so gone You won't find her around You can look but you won't see The girl I used to be 'Cause she's She's so gone

Here I am This is me And I'm stronger than you ever thought I'd be

Are you shocked? Are you mad? That you're missing out on who I really am

...

It made me think of how much I've actually changed since I cut all the toxic people out of my life and finally said NO to getting back with my ex. My ex made me into someone I honestly don't recognize. Let me tell you a story of the viscous cycle that Mignon took 4 years to learn from...We were on and off more often than any other couple I've ever heard of. I would breakup with him all the time, because he wasn't good for me. My family and friends would continuously point out that this guy was not good for me. He let me down more times than I can count. Actually let me name a few of the ones that I can remember...

My first year of college I still hadn't gotten my license yet, but it was still early in the year so I wasn't really worried. When I eventually got my license, I still wasn't used to driving alone so I asked my mom to take me to my promotions. I had two that day, one in Fourways and one in Alberton...(for those of you who don't know where those places are, or how far they are from each other, it takes just over under an hour to get from the one venue to the next). My mom, giving me tough love, told me that I can drive myself. Okay mom... I can totally do this. I will just use the old, outdated GPS and I should be 100%. I got to Fourways just fine and finished up my promo. I was on my way to my next promo now. While I'm driving, my GPS takes me through Joburg CBD, one of the most dangerous parts of town full of one ways AND JUST SWITCHES OFF! What the actual...

So I am trying to find my way through the CBD and I get stuck behind a taxi. This taxi driver stops in the middle of the road, no one getting in or out, like nothing is happening. Eventually I decide it is really not safe for me to be sitting stationary behind this guy, so I try to overtake him. As I am overtaking him a guy bashes me into the taxi from my right hand side. I am not lying to you when I tell you that I saw my life flash before my eyes. When I finally came to the realization of what just occurred, I got out my car to see if everyone was okay. As I was running towards the other car, a guy opened my door and stole my handbag. Another guy grabbed me and told me to get into the car and drive because this was planned. GIRL! You don't even know how quickly I jumped back into my car and drove. The taxi driver started chasing me, his passengers tried to climb into my car through their windows.

I called my dad while I was driving, he recorded the entire phone call. He was trying to keep me calm while I was hysterical. He was trying to figure out where I was so that he could guide me out of the CBD. This taxi chased me for an hour. This was the most terrifying experience that has ever happened to me. I eventually found a radio station and hid there till my dad could come get me. I think it was Kaya FM... I am not sure, but those people were so helpful, my word. When the tow-truck arrived, the man told me that he didn't know how I drove for so long, because my car was completely written off...Guys! God was with me that day!

After I got home, my boyfriend knew what had happened... you wanna know what he thought would be a good idea??? Giving me space. Yeah. He didn't come check up on me, he wasn't worried about me, NOTHING. Wow, sorry you guys, I get so angry when I tell these stories. So anyways, I broke up with him. It didn't take long for us to get back together of course. Please can I just say something, I need you to really hear this... AN APOLOGY WITHOUT CHANGE IS MANIPULATION. Please read that again. There were many times where he wouldn't be there for me, or he would choose his friends over me when I was in serious situations, like hospital. Awww, you guys, it really makes me happy that I am no longer tied to this person.

Every single time we broke up, I would always feel guilty about it. Because I was the one who also did the breaking up, I felt that it was me who was the problem, so I kept on running back to him, apologizing. When I say I became a person I didn't recognize, this is why. He always started dating someone after we broke up, and each time I started missing him because I was jealous, I would seduce him and steal him from these girls. I would lose my morals and values, and the reasons I broke up with him for, I would end up doing to get him back. I was blinded by jealousy and manipulation. He wanted me to get jealous and come crawling back, and he knew exactly how to pull me back in.

He began to realize that he could getaway with anything, and I let it happen. I never stuck to my word. Girls, if you don't like something that he does (this goes for guys too) and you tell them that it is a deal-breaker, STICK TO IT. Otherwise they stop giving a damn. And well if they continue doing the thing you call a deal-breaker, then they are already showing you that they don't care. My ex started drinking heavily and smoking. Like I've mentioned before, I stopped drinking because I became an alcoholic. Being around him drinking was okay until 1. he forced me to drink and 2. he became abusive when he was drunk. He actually didn't need alcohol to be abusive, I remember when he was angry he would shove me against my car or into my car and really hurt me. After he hit me when he was drunk, I drew the line. Him drinking was a deal-breaker for me now. I feel that it was understandable... I mean he had scared me and hurt me badly. BUT he did not stop. He would ask me IN FRONT of his work colleagues if he could have a shot or a drink so that I would look like the bad guy in the scenario. I didn't care, I still said no. It really wasn't okay with me. He started treating me like nothing. He would leave me at a party on my own after he would upset me... things were toxic. We became THAT couple who were always fighting.

Last year when he decided to break up with me, I guess I felt differently about him. This was the first time EVER that he had become the heart-breaker and man did it break me. I decided to fight for him, but in the end he just wanted to mess around. This guy and I were living together! We were talking about marriage and we nearly got engaged. I fought for him for a week, and I know that isn't long, but that was an extremely draining week. In that week I did everything I possibly could to try get him to fall in love with me again, but like I said, he just wanted to mess around. He told me that I should continue what I'm doing and MAYBE he will fall back in love with me. If he doesn't then we could still be FRIENDS, but for now we can just be friends with benefits. Let me just say one thing, YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EXES. You can try change my mind on this matter, but I wrote the damn book on it. I tried, it doesn't work. I drew the line.

After I blocked him on absolutely everything, my sister messaged me telling me that he had messaged her saying that sometimes he thinks he chose the wrong sister. THE NERVE. And it gets worse (I know, as if it could). He pitches up at my work and demands a reason as to why I gave up on him. I'm not lying when I tell you I laughed in his face. Who does this guy think he is? He then got a few more girlfriends... Yip, a few. We had coffee a few times together and well he kept asking me if there was any chance of me getting back with him, like NOOOO. I am so happy things worked out the way they did. I do still see him stalking me on social media, but he no longer has a hold on me.

Ladies and gentlemen, you are worth so much more than this. You deserve someone who will treat you like gold. You deserve healing. You deserve to be someones one and only. So don't settle for people that waste your time and energy like this. Let them go. I cannot tell you how much trauma and heart-break I went through over this guy, and how many bad decisions I made trying to heal my heart by myself. God wants to heal you. God wants to give you someone who is going to love you like Jesus loved the church, I promise you. I really do believe this, but right now is my season of healing and growing. My season of purpose. I cannot wait for the day that I meet my last first kiss, I really can't, but best believe things are going to be different. I am no longer the girl I used to be, she's gone and she's not coming back.