LET THIS SEASON TR.END

This past week I hit a low. It do be like that sometimes don't it...? I got caught up in my feelings and let them consume me. All my talk of being pro-active and motivated all went to trash. I basically lay in bed doing nothing because I just didn't have energy to get back up on my feet. I didn't want to improve. I watched the movie called "Same Kind Of Different As Me", and one quote that stood out to me was, "The work she is doing is precious to God, and when you become precious to God, you become important to Satan." Like damn...

God revealed to me what he wants in this season from me, which I only realized, or well accepted, on a walk yesterday. He brought to light that I was sitting with A LOT of unforgiveness in my heart. He kept on showing me until I actually decided to acknowledge it. I struggle with being wrong, "I am never the one who is in the wrong", oh, but I am. I think a lot of us struggle with unforgiveness, especially because we are actually called to forgive no matter what. Did you know that stubbornness was a sin, a rebellion against God? Because I only found out recently...

I was stuck in the mindset that I am not going to forgive someone who is not sorry for what they did, because they didn't deserve it. We don't realize that we, ourselves, don't deserve forgiveness, that we don't deserve second, third, and forth chances, but God gives it to us lovingly. By holding onto these grudges and this bitterness, we are allowing it to steal our joy and our peace. We are slowly allowing it to consume us. How can we show unconditional love as Jesus did, when we are holding onto unforgiveness?

Psalm 103:12

As far as the East is from the West, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

I am normally great at forgiving people who have hurt me, but it does become overwhelming sometimes. During this week I actually gave up, I had enough, but I didn't realize that I was hurting that person as well, because again, how could I ever be in the wrong? When I took a step back, I not only realized that this person and I had completely different apology languages, but I realized how selfish I was being. On a call with my Grumps, I told him that I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't carry on being put down by people anymore and them hurting me and never apologizing. He told me straight that I am acting like it is all about "ME", that I need to see it from the other persons point of view, which I had definitely not been doing. We can sometimes get caught up in our own feelings, that we forget to try understand where the other person is coming from. We forget to respond with love.

Matthew 18: 21-22

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'"

I especially need to stop and think before I speak. Are my words being mindful towards others? Am I acting on the motion of an eye for an eye, or am I turning the other cheek. You see, we are supposed to be speaking to each other with love, and a lot of the time this very thing is a lot easier said than done. I lose myself and act on my emotions, lashing out from a place of hurt, when I should be asking God to take control. We have this notion that, "I'll forgive you when you say you're sorry." We need to forgive and let God do the rest. To let God be the eraser. Remember God loved us and forgave us FIRST.

This has definitely become the season where I have had to work on my heart the most. He is cleaning me from the inside out. He is doing this so that I am able to surrender to His will. You don't realize that things you thought you had left in the past could ever catch up to you, but that is why God is so great. He brings it to you in such a beautiful way and reminds us constantly that He is walking right there beside us through it. It is never easy forgiving people, the hurt is real, but we forgive because God forgave us first. We love because God loved us first. Someone I needed to forgive was someone I didn't think I needed to forgive, and that was myself. I had brought so much pain and heartache onto myself. I broke myself down and gave into Satan's lies.

Going forward I will be starting a series on "Identity In Christ". I think it is so important to know who you are in God's eyes. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy, so we need to know the truth and be reminded of it. God, it is time for you to take the wheel.