IT'S A LITTLE THING

"It's a little thing, nothing more, not like a big thing. Well... it's big-ish, depending on the way you look at it. It's not tiny, but it's not huge. It's a thing, that's all." - Anne Hathaway

I know I haven't written in a while, it's actually such a bad habit, but I am learning to give myself some grace when it comes to my blogs. I tried to write about this while I was going through it and I just didn't have the right words you see. I was so stuck in everything going wrong, I couldn't yet see the growth and the reason behind my situation. I find that I cannot write when I am in a state, I would rather let God take me through the lesson, where I am able to learn something before I share it with you.

The valuable lesson I have learnt, that I am able to finally share with you, is that you cannot change the situation, but you can change your reaction. I never really fully grasped the meaning behind this saying. I found out the hard way that when you pray for patience, God gives you situations you need to be patient in. When you ask God for healing, He gives you opportunities for you to grow in. I have learnt that I cannot change the way people see me, and constantly trying to change their minds is only going to drain me and take from my peace and joy.

My sister gave me some amazing advice. She said that when people have an image of you in their minds, it is almost impossible to change it, the only thing you can do is to continue changing for yourself, and well hopefully one day they will be able to see it. The past two weeks have been an absolute mind field battle for me. I have realized how the enemy tries to feed me lies, constantly telling me that I'm not good enough, that I am not worthy of love, that I am not progressing and that I am my old self! Well, suck it, because I know that these things are no longer true about me. I know that I am changing, and growing, and that I am living for the Most High. When you become precious to God, you become important to the enemy. Remember that.

I also realize that you will get hurt most by the people close to you, because they are your weakness. It is so sad, but we are not the only ones. Joseph was betrayed by his brothers, sold into slavery. Honestly, when I am going through tough times I make them feel 100 x bigger than what they are. I don't realize how small my problems are. I must admit though, I struggled to turn and give all my problems to God. I am constantly working on trusting in Him.

One thing I have also realized is true, is that "Trauma Bonds" are a real thing. What are those you may ask? Well to give you an example, for many years after my 16th, and still to this day, I no longer truly enjoy my birthday and have serious anxiety about people leaving me because I was dumped on my 16th. In the last two weeks, however, I hit an extreme low, and I couldn't figure out why... till I realized that this time last year was when I had the biggest breakup of my life, and I put myself through so much trauma fighting for that person. Your "Trauma Bond" can be tied to time... I have asked God to heal me from it. Maybe there is a specific period you struggle with.

I, as well as many of you, still need to learn to put complete trust in God to bring us through the storms we are going through. We don't need to fight this battle alone, because we are no longer alone.