NO, HONEY

Changes - Elaine

I cannot change you You cannot change me I may try for a few days but after a while I go back to my old ways But baby give me time I'm learning to be more patient I'm learning to trust you more

So I'm gonna change for you I'll do better for you I know I said this before Know we been here before But I mean it

Oh, I mean it

So I'm gonna change for you I'll do better for you I know I said this before Know we been here before But I mean it Oh I mean it

'Cause I I owe you so much more than my pain I owe you so much more than my past You deserve it all

Proverbs 17:22

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

A friend once told me, "if you are still carrying the bricks from the old relationship, you are going to continue building the same house." Like damn....okay. Have you ever been in a relationship where the other person keeps bringing up their ex? Or even worse, you are the one doing it? Let me set the record straight. No, it is not normal. No, it is not okay. No, it is not healthy. And no, it should not be a part of your healing process WITHIN THE RELATIONSHIP! You need to have dealt with those skeletons before moving onto the next, and I know this because I am guilty of doing it, don't you worry, I only speak from experience, but you should know this by now.

I think one of the worst feelings in a new relationship, is constantly being compared to their ex with the ole, "my ex used to...". Honestly, if anything could cut away at you even more? I know so many people, including myself, that would go into a relationship and then a few weeks later it would come to an end. We start building this mentality of, "it's never going to work out" or "It must be me", and I may have to agree with you on the second one. Don't worry, we are going to work on it. If your relationships aren't working out, I've got some straight-forward, cut-to-the-bone news for you, and that is that you are the common denominator my friend.

First of all you need to accept that you need some time to heal. If you are going into a relationship broken, I can tell you that they won't be able to fix you. Not only that, but you are going to hurt them and yourself unnecessarily. I am 100% not ready to get into any form of relationship, not only because I made a vow to be single for a year and it has only been like 6 months, but because I still sometimes refer to my ex. I have seen that it is becoming less and less, but it really isn't something that I want to bring into a relationship. This process is going to take time, lots of time, but I guarantee it is worth it. The beginning of your season of singleness is NEVER easy. It is hard dealing with these problems and it definitely tests you, but you need to fall in love with yourself first.

I have been reading up on love languages and apology languages, and it is insane that you can actually learn what yours are. Before you ask someone to love you in your love language, love yourself in it first. If your love language is gifts, buy yourself some gifts, spoil yourself. If your love language is quality time, take yourself on a picnic and get to know who you are, spend time with God, journal. If your love language is physical touch, go pamper yourself... get your nails done, go for a massage, get your hair done. If your love language is words of affirmations, write some affirmations and put them up on your mirror, repeat them to yourself everyday and begin to believe them. If you don't like spending time with yourself or loving yourself, how do you expect someone else to do that for you? No, honey. It doesn't work that way. You don't want to rely on another person to do these things for you, because I'm sorry to say, people are going to let you down. Allow God to remove these burdens and insecurities.

I also wanted to talk to us "people-fixers"... We need to stop. We were not made to fix people. This isn't the movies, you are not going to be the reason they magically change their ways. If it seems like they are changing, it is most likely not a permanent fix, it is a facade. A person will only change if THEY want to. Only if they see it as a problem, whatever it is that they are doing. I think it is so funny how "bad boys" go for "good girls" because they like the challenge of changing her. And then you get the "good girls" who go for the "bad boys" because they think they can change them. This is madness. Stop this nonsense. Me to me: "I'm talking to you".

Have you ever met someone who is constantly trying to convince you that they aren't a certain kind of person. For example: "I'm not a player", "I'm a one girl kinda guy", "I would never cheat on someone", followed by "my ex cheated on me", then my favourite lie, "I will never hurt you". First of all, no one can promise you that they won't hurt you, you sometimes don't get the option... But if you know someone who says all these things on a constant basis, chances are that is unfortunately who they are. THIS IS A RED FLAG. This is no time to be wearing your "colour blind glasses". A gentlemen will never need to prove himself. Godly men never need to try prove that they are Godly men, you see it through their actions, through the way they speak, through the way they treat others. I'm not sure why people do this...if it's to distract and trap you, or if they are actually trying to convince themselves. Old habits died hard.