I AM THE WRITER, BUT HE IS THE AUTHOR

What do you do when your life just doesn't go as planned? Or maybe when you feel as though you have been waiting and waiting and waiting for something miraculous to happen? What do you do when your life doesn't "look" the way you want it to?

I am blessed, and yet struggling at the same time. I am blessed in a sense that I have so much more than I could ever ask for! I have a beautiful family who loves me; a wonderful apartment; an amazing church community; an amazing life really. And yet I am constantly feeling as though something is missing. I am finding it difficult to find the motivation to actually get my life together... to get into a routine that is going to help me better myself. I have stopped looking after myself and trying to better myself, and partly because I sometimes feel as though there is no worth to the effort I put in. What good is it going to do?

I come from a background of using negative things said to and about me in order to keep me fighting for a better version of myself. And I no longer have that, thank God. But now I do not know how to pursue things when things are going fine. When nothing chaotic is happening in my life. I find that when I was stressed, and slightly depressed, and dealing with many difficulties, I was then able to actually pull myself out of the rut and exercise continuously, and eat healthily. I even found it easier to praise God. Isn't that weird? Usually it is the other way around... usually you lose hope and faith in God when things are going wrong. Does this happen to you?

However, I am so reminded that He is always there. That no matter what is happening in my life, whether it may feel as though nothing is happening and life seems boring, that He continues to go before me, beside me, and behind me. I am reminded that every day has been planned out. And so, if that is then the case, I can also then trust in the fact that this "quiet" season is necessary and not just an overlook.

In the stillness I have been able to identify a few things that I need to work on... for instance my habit of gossiping. I am so aware of it that it makes me feel sick. But, I can see God working so gently and so mercifully with me in that regard and it is BEAUTIFUL. I am aware of His presence and His power in everything.

Sometimes we need to rest and wait in the stillness in order to hear what he is saying to us. Why do we constantly want to be distracted, to be busy. Why is it that we are continually seeking some sort of high and adrenaline rush? Why do we seek drama? I am not sure of these things, but I am deciding to sit in the quite and listen.

He has a plan, and His plan will ultimately prevail. Not to say that we do not have free-will, but I have chosen for God to guide me. I have chosen His will over my own. I have chosen to trust Him and His wisdom over my own.

He is writing my story. He is the author.