LIVING ON THE DANGEROUS SIDE

...Okay so I think I am going to stop apologizing for not writing as often as I promised, because life gets hectic and many things get in the way that are out of my control, but at least I've got a few stories for you.

So as you as my readers know, I took a vow to never download Tinder again. But with one fatal blow, COVID had me falling right back into that deceitful trap ... I was quarantined in my bedroom for 2 weeks, what did you expect? Well, I definitely didn't expect to meet the love of my life - yeah, I met Jesus. Humbling me right back into the right lane.

As you may remember, I took a year of singleness and well I was doing so well until well, like we all do at some point, I stumbled. I'm not perfect, I never said I was, but damn does it remind me that I need Jesus more and more every day. I am not going to go into detail of what happened, I just think the idea right now is important. When I stumbled in December, so close to the end of my year, I felt worthless... I felt so ashamed because I was doing so well and then BOOM. The enemy held that over me the entire month, to a point where I almost started thinking, "well I've done it again, I'm never going to change"... NO! I rebuke that thought. I decided to not believe these lies. You see the enemy tempts us, and when we fall into that temptation he holds it over us and makes us feel as though we cannot change, or that we do not deserve forgiveness, that we cannot repent. I realized that this was not true and came running back to the feet of Jesus.

Beginning of January I caught le COVID, or so we suspect, not to matter because I was out for the count anyways. Stuck in my bedroom for 2 weeks I was going insane, can someone say cabin fever? There are only so many things you can do when you are confined to 4 walls. So I decided on day 10 to do the unthinkable, the unspeakable, the unimaginable... and downloaded Tinder. Ah! My heart.

I started talking to a few guys and obviously one stood out to me, we will call him the Bulgarian Mafia Guy, or BMG for short. So BMG and I started speaking non-stop. I am talking: essay texts, phone calls, video calls till 1am in the morning! Man, I was so sleep deprived I was living on the naps I was taking in my lunch breaks. What was even more unbelievable to me is that it was just innocent, good, wholesome conversation... no dirty talk, no flirting, nothing. Needless to say you talk to someone that much, of course you're going to catch feels.

We decided to meet up after two weeks of non-stop sleep-deprivation and had the most amazing date ever. Topped all charts. So first he fetched me from my place and we drove to Monte Casino. Our first stop was naturally my favourite place, the bird park, watched the bird show and walked around the park. Y'all the most we did on this date was hold hands.

We then went to have breakfast at Milk and Honey. Guys, if you are hungry, I do not recommend it, but if you are looking to tease the taste buds then go wild. The most amazing food, but the smallest portions. This is also where we ended up speaking about what we want from each other and what we wanted in relationships, soon finding out that what we wanted were completely different things. This conversation was so close to making me drop my boundaries for my relationship, just honestly to be with him, but we will get to that, let me finish telling you about the date.

I feel like Taylor Swift right now writing about all my romances, these poor guys can't get a break.

After breakfast we decided to go watch a movie, because the conversation was so heavy, we wanted a light-hearted movie, we most definitely then did not see this coming. We decided to go watch The Croods 2, because we loved the first one so much. I swear these writers were on drugs. This movie had me sitting on the edge of my seat with my mouth open, thinking how this is DEFINITELY not a children's movie. I am not going to go into detail about the movie, if you've watched it, you would understand, but it definitely made the evening more memorable.

After the movie we went and had dinner by Casa Bella, my go-to restaurant in Monte Casino. For some reason I think I was so nervous on this date that I could barely eat or speak, which is not like me...but I could have been feeling unsettled after the chat about relationships.

Now I didn't go onto Tinder to find someone, but like the naive girl that I am, I end up finding someone, everytime. Yet, every single time without fail I have found someone who has tempted me to drop my boundaries, I'll talk more about why we do this in my next blog. Let's quickly go back to the conversation I had with him at Milk and Honey. We both wanted a relationship, but, and no this is not hasty and I did not say that I wanted it with him, but my intention going into dating now is marriage. I don't want to be wasting my time in relationships when I could be spending that time growing closer to God and focusing on His purpose for me. He was not on the same page, but as a whole. Not just with me but in general. He wanted sex, babies and MAYBE marriage, and well that just won't work since I want marraige, sex, then babies.

I must say, maybe I met him so that I could learn to stay true to my boundaries, even if it did mean letting go of someone I liked. And I'm so happy that I did end up saying no, because the conversation faded out quicker than sparks in a wet fire. It was really funny though. We had a phone call after our date and just before it I prayed, "Lord, you know I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. So please can you take him from me." And true as day BMG says, "we want different things in a relationship, but it's not a big deal..." and I immediately responded, "no, it is a big deal." And looked up to the Heavens and said, "yeah this is you. I see you."

It is truly amazing how when you ask God to remove someone from your life that is going to drag you away from him, he does it almost immediately. It also just proves that He only wants the best for us.

It was sad, I mean I still cried but I trusted Him in this and He has brought me through. And guess what? I am doing just fine without that guy. Fancy that.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

But that's all for now. Be humble and trust in God, His plans for you are so much greater than you could ever imagine.