THE REALITY OF IT ALL

It has been yet another hot minute since I wrote a blog post... pitiful really. But as of late I have been getting a lot of people messaging me saying they got bored and read my blog, or randomly clicked on my site and loved it... it reminded me of why it is that I started this whole thing. I must just say that right now God is adding so many plot twists, that I'm literally just here like, "oh, okay, we're doing this now?"

Truth is I have been going through the toughest season I have ever had to go through. My faith has been greatly tested. To catch you up on what has happened (in the last 3 or so months), I got retrenched from my job - which I was grateful for really, because it was not a place I could be stuck in for much longer. I am grateful for the lessons I learnt, but it was time to move on. I then went on an amazing journey (which will get its own blog post obviously), and then started a new venture in a new company. I haven't earned a salary in 2 months. I also caught Covid for the second time this year, which happened to be the new Delta Variant, so I basically almost died (not me being overdramatic at all). I also lost one of my Highschool best friends in a car accident (and this is the second friend in 3 years). My Dad immigrated to the UK and I have been all over the place with my mother (we're working on it).

So yeah, it's been rough, and yet I have never felt more at peace than I do now. Crazy to think that in the beginning of last year I suffered from anxiety attacks, because my stress levels were so high, and now, in the toughest, most desert-like season I have ever in my life gone through, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace. This however does not mean I didn't cry, or didn't feel pain, or didn't question why this is all happening at once? It really is, at this point, one thing after another. And along with everything happening in my personal life there is the reality of what is happening around us here in South Africa. Heartbreaking and tragic... Someone once told me that it is not about the trials you go through or the bad things that happen to you that matter, but the way you choose to respond to it. You see, joy is a choice. Peace is a choice (not an easy one, but it is). Being content is a choice.

I did everything in my might to try get sales the first two months at my job and yet nothing came through. I kept waiting on God to perform some kind of miracle in my favor... but why? Why should He? I have been so focused on my own problems, my own security, my own success, that I stopped focusing on Him. I am busy reading 2 Chronicles, the story of David and his son Solomon, and their love for God. They wanted to please and worship God, so much so, that they wanted to build a temple in God's honor for Him to reside in, among them... they didn't want to spare a single cent on the temple. And here I am, asking God to fulfill my wishes? I was reading this story and it made me reflect on the question, what am I doing for God? What am I doing for His kingdom? Nothing... I had stopped seeking His kingdom first and that broke my heart. God gives us grace though, He understands and has a wonderful way of bringing us back to the root. Seek first the kingdom of God.

It is, however, still true that He provides, but not in the way that we expect Him to. I was supposed to have moved out this month, to gain my freedom back, to get my life back on track, but because I haven't earned any money for the last two months, this was inevitably not possible. For the last two months I haven't been able to pay my expenses... and yet God came through. The first month my parents graciously lent me money. The second month my grandfather lent me money, no questions asked, just happy to help. I was also left with no way of being able to move into a place, and with my mother having just sold our house and scooting off to join my father in London, I didn't know what I was going to do. I prayed and prayed and prayed, and then my aunt messaged me saying that she had spoken to her family and I could move in with them, and wow, what a blessing! However, I cannot take my cats, I had to find a place for them to stay until I can move out... yet another obstacle, because there is absolutely no way I am giving my cats away! They are my babies! I asked around and I just couldn't see a way... until I asked my best friend if her mom (basically family) would mind if my cats lodged with her, and you don't even understand how excited she is to have them stay there! It isn't a burden. You cannot tell me there is no God, because He proves Himself time and time again by just providing in mighty ways! In the same way, the fact that I probably have the worst sales record in my company at the moment, my manager still gives me praise in front of colleagues saying that I never give up! Imagine... it is something to really feel proud about I guess... being known to not be someone to give up no matter the trials and rejection.

Something I also came to understand reading 2 Chronicles, is that David and Solomon were constantly fasting, praying and keeping faithful to God and His covenants before they'd ask for deliverance or victory. I am guilty of not doing this, I kind of just expected it because I love Him. As we are all aware, we are human and we tend to stumble constantly... So to realign myself and find my feet again, I have started the "75 Hard Challenge", where instead of reading an entrepreneurial / non-fiction book, I read 10 chapters in my Bible first thing in the morning. It's only my first week, but I already see and feel a change! It is definitely helping me get my positive mindset back. I have also taken on 1,000,000 (just in case you can't read this number, it's a million) different tasks and ventures at once which you will be hearing about in the near future (I am so excited for what is happening right now).

So the moral of this entire rant really is that sometimes things may not work out the way we expect them to, because sometimes God has something better planned and that He is able to give us peace in these circumstances. And if that means that He is just helping me grow my character or change me or have me become an example of some kind, then so be it. His will and not mine be done.

2 Chronicles 6:14

"O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you in all of heaven and earth. You keep your covenant and show unfailing love to all who walk before you in wholehearted devotion."

2 Chronicles 15:2

"The Lord will stay with you as long as you stay with Him! Whenever you seek Him, you will find Him. But if you abandon Him, He will abandon you."